Take care of yourself when taking care of others
Gregory J. Alexander
Contributing Writer
Frazzled. Exhausted. End of your rope. Guilty. Shamed. These are words that describe what many caregivers go through when they realize that they can no longer care for a parent or spouse, says Kathleen Blake-Curry, corporate director of community and donor relations at Copper Ridge, a nationally recognized and accredited facility dedicated to the care of persons with Alzheimer's disease and other memory-impairing illnesses. Located in Sykesville, Copper Ridge (www.copperridge.org) partners with the Johns Hopkins Neuropsychiatry and Memory Group. "When a caregiver contacts us, they've been trying to care for the parent or spouse on their own but have realized that they can't provide the 24-hour-a-day care that's necessary," says Blake-Curry. "What they are going through is too emotional to express in words."
Blake-Curry says that the care at Copper Ridge has always focused on the patient and the family. "The family meets with a counselor to educate them on what is going on with their loved one. Dementia affects nutrition, sensory perception, sleep and social interaction. Family members direct the care, so we team them with a senior staff member to provide one-on-one help. It's important that they feel part of a team.
"The spousal situation is especially tough. There is still a lot of shame with dementia. Spouses can be in denial for a while and try to hide from family and friends the fact that their husband or wife needs help."
To help caregivers get through this difficult time, Blake-Curry offers these tips:
• "You need to forgive yourself if you feel shame. No one can provide around-the-clock help on their own, and you need professional help. It's an emotional journey, but you must realize that you can't give them the treatment they need. It's OK to ask for help," she says.
• Be patient. "You can spend four hours with a parent explaining why they are in a facility like Copper Ridge, and then walk away for two minutes to get a cup of coffee and come back to a parent asking, 'Why am I here? Why am I not at home?' You may have to be patient and explain it again."
• You are not alone. "Many caregivers feel very isolated, but there are excellent support groups that can help," says Blake-Curry, who recommends that caregivers of Alzheimer's patients visit www.alzcast.org, a Web site by The Copper Ridge Institute and The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine that features bi-weekly audio conferences available for streaming and downloads and a "clearing house" for Alzheimer's-related educational materials. "Caregivers can ask questions to be answered by experts and family members can share and read stories by others in their situation. Other users will encourage you to make sure you take care of yourself." Blake-Curry says that by early next year, training will be available on the site in English and Spanish for family members. "The Internet is an excellent tool for education and support."
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