Survival tips for the Sandwich Generation
Mary Medland
Americans are living longer than ever, but with this trend has come a new development in the way that we live. Dubbed the Sandwich Generation—those middle-aged adults, most of whom are still in the workforce, and who are squeezed between teenagers at home and elderly parents who need assistance. It's a relatively new phenomenon, and one that can be very difficult to navigate.
"When a parent suddenly becomes disabled—if there is a car accident that results in a fractured hip or paralysis due to a sudden stroke—no one has time to plan how to deal with the situation," says Barbara Ensor, Ph.D., a private practitioner in gero-psychology and who is on staff at Stella Maris. "On the other hand, if someone has Parkinson's Disease, the family has a bit of a head's-up to pull together a plan for care."
Systems in place to help
The Maryland Dept. of Aging is a treasure trove of information and also has services and programs for the elderly, including:
- Caregiver resources
- Housing resources
- Long-term-care ombudsman
- Nutrition and meal services
- Senior Centers
- Senior legal assistance
"People often don't realize what community resources are available," says Ensor. "Baltimore County especially has a fine Department of Aging. One person can't take of all of an elderly person's needs ... if you do try to do that, you'll become overwhelmed, bitter and depressed."
Ensor also notes that teenagers can help their parents out—and frequently find themselves becoming closer to their grandparents than in the past, especially if the grandparent is moving in with the rest of the family. "It is time to start having a family meeting so the teens can become involved in helping out," she says. "Of course, sometimes this just won't work because of personality clashes or difficult past history."
She also recommends that when parents are moving in with their children and grandchildren, a homecare-services person should be hired to do an evaluation as to how safe the home is for the elderly parent and what changes may need to be made.
"One of the things that everyone needs to acknowledge, is that things are different now," says Ensor. "But different doesn't need to mean worse. An honest personal appraisal will help people see that if you approach things the right way, everything can be managed."
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